One of the questions that has been drilled into my head through years of personal development is this:
Do you want chocolate or vanilla ice cream?
The point, of course, is that we often limit ourselves to two options when there may be a third, fourth, or fifth possibility we haven’t even considered. Sometimes the answer is both. Sometimes it’s neither. Sometimes it’s something completely different.
I’ve been thinking about that this week.
In a couple of weeks, I’m going camping with friends. At the same time, another friend is having an important birthday party on that Friday night.
Immediately, my brain went into problem-solving mode.
“Okay, the campground is about an hour away. I could drive to the party. Then I could drive back to camp. Or maybe I could stay at my house for the night and head back to camp in the morning.”
See? Problem solved.
Or so I thought.
I hadn’t even had a chance to discuss it with my boyfriend yet because, in my mind, I was already busy figuring out how to make both happen.
Then this morning I woke up and heard a very loud question in my head:
“Do you even WANT to go to the party?”
Well...
That stopped me in my tracks.
Because I had been so focused on figuring out how to do both that I never stopped to ask whether I actually wanted to.
That’s one of the gifts all these years of personal development have given me. Not perfect answers. Not magical solutions. Just better questions.
And sometimes the right question changes everything.
The moment I asked myself if I truly wanted to go, I felt the answer.
Not because I don’t care about my friend.
Not because the party won’t be fun.
But because the idea of staying in the woods suddenly felt so much more aligned with what I need right now.
The thought of sitting around a campfire.
Listening to the sounds of nature.
Laughing with friends.
Looking up at the stars.
Not rushing anywhere.
Not squeezing one more thing into an already full weekend.
Just... being.
And here’s what really struck me:
Yes, I absolutely can make both happen.
But I don’t always have to.
Somewhere along the way, many of us learned that if something is possible, we should do it. That if we can make all the pieces fit, we ought to.
But sometimes the most aligned choice isn’t the one that proves how much we can juggle.
Sometimes it’s the one that honors what we actually want.
That’s a very different question.
I’m realizing more and more that life isn’t just about finding ways to do everything.
It’s about paying attention to what matters most in this moment.
Sometimes the answer is chocolate.
Sometimes it’s vanilla.
Sometimes it’s both.
And sometimes the answer is to put the ice cream down entirely and go sit by a campfire.
I’m learning to listen when those questions show up.
They usually know something I don’t.
Decisions, decisions. I've always been pretty flexible. Depending on the situation, I can pick one, both or nothing at all. But when you get right down to it, the choice I make most often is doing what I want to do.
When it comes to chocolate or vanilla ice cream, on the rare occasion that I eat it (I'm diabetic) I drink a LOT of water - because I'm having both. Nothing like a nice, cold, chocolate and vanilla swirl.
Enjoy that vacation in a couple of weeks and have many great days!